Summer Time

Summer time was always my moms favorite time of year. Every chance she got she was laying outside on the patio catching some summer rays. It was always our busy time of the year, summer swim team, softball and baseball games, pool parties, family bbq's, vacations, and sleep overs with our (mine and my brother) best friends. It was truly the happiest time of the year for both me and my mom. The reason why I loved summer so much was because I was out of school and I got to hang out with her all day. She was a stay at home mom so we were very close,

Now as I experience my own summers I catch myself doing my moms' favorite thing, which is laying out in that hot Ohio sun! It makes me happy to be doing her favorite things because I feel as though she is with me in the moment.

Truths

During this grieving process I have had to face a lot of cold hard truths and I find these times some of the most difficult moments. Truths like, my mom won't be there to take me wedding dress shopping, she will never get to meet her grand-kids and help me raise them, she never got to see me graduate for high school and college, she never gets to meet the love of my life. Not only does she not get to experience these moments but I don't get to either.

Sometimes I lay in bed at night and as i'm trying to fall asleep and these realizations pop into my head (of course keeping me from sleeping!) and I just cry. So many people who have been blessed with having their parents through all of these moments wouldn't even think twice about them not being there. Then there are people like me who have lost one of their parents and it's all we think about. It hurts. I get so jealous and angry with those who have not lost, not that I want anyone to lose someone but I just will never understand why it had to be me. I will never understand why because the only person who I believe knows is God.

I'm lucky to have been blessed with family and family friends who I know will help me get through these moments when they arrive. Of course it will never ever be the same but I know that it will help to at least have a support system. These are moments that I can never really prepare for but I know that when the time comes I will be okay.

Here Begins My Story

It was my sophomore year in high school, I was in the marching band, had a great core group of friends and family, was a good student, was starting to learn how to drive, I was on top of the world, at least so I thought. It was May 19th 2007 around 11 PM, I had just watched the doctors pull the plugs and saw my mother take her last breath of air. This moment changed my life forever. I have never been the same since then, even 8 years later.

This blog post instead of going into all the details of everything that happened that dreaded year I will reflect on a quote that I've been told since that very dark day. Everyone always tells me "Time Heals Wounds" (hence the name of my blog). I disagree with this quote 100%. At first I believed it because I felt as though I had nothing else to believe in. As the years went on I started believing it less and less. Time does not heal wounds it only teaches us how to live and cope with the pain those wounds have brought onto us. I wish the quote was true and that with time it would all just go away, but unfortunately that's not how life works. It's not time that heals the wounds, it's grief, faith and most importantly realization of the truths.

I decided to start writing this blog in hoping that maybe I will be able to help myself cope and deal with some of the pain. If this blog happens to reach anyone else I hope it will be able to help them relate and know they're not alone.