Scars

Scar "A lingering sign of damage or injury, either mental or physical" 

Everybody has their scars both physical and emotional and I feel as though I have a few more than others, or I have different types of scars that those my age have yet to experience. I have many physical and emotional scars. 

Physical Scar “A mark left on the skin after a surface injury or wound has healed". These are the scars that I seem to have the least amount but trust me I still have many. I have daily scars from burning myself on the oven, I have a scar across my chest from cutting which at the time I thought no one would ever see from cutting  the type of scars that happened after mom died. Those scars are some of my biggest regrets. Luckily most of the scars have faded since they were not very deep cuts. Those were my biggest regrets. I was young, I was only 16 and I thought it was the only way that I could escape from the pain. It was a way for me to forget about losing my mom and focus on what was happening right now. I know that my mom would have been so disappointed in me if she ever would have found out, my dad would have been as well. To those who may still do that I urge you not to because what's worse than emotional scars is physical scars. Those you can see on your body from a moment to moment basis. Physical scars cause so much more pain with their constant reminders of the bad times. 

Emotional Scar also known as psychological trauma "a type of damage to the psyche that occurs as a result of a severely distressing event". These scars are the most mind racking and giving me the most anxiety. Emotional scars are what I seem to have the most of. I have these constant reminders in my head of everything I've gone through. Seeing my mom die and gasp for her last breath of air was probably the most damaging to me. Every night since my mom had died I have had the same reoccurring dream sometime throughout the night, which is watching my mom die. It's the same scenario every time of exactly what happened that dreadful night and that dream has never gone away. That moment in time has scared me the most. I will never ever be able to unlive that moment or unsee it. Emotional scars can really take a toll on you and usually are the causes for a lot of people’s physical scars. There's so many times when I want to just get out of my head so I don't have to deal with my emotional issues.

One thing that both of these scars has taught me at this point in my life is that I am proud of them. They have showed me that I have lived a lot in my life and most importantly I have conquered them. I have made it through alive. I have been brought down, dragged through the mud, but still come up in the end. I have never given up on my life (thought about it) but managed to make it through with my head held high. My scars will always be a reminder that I did it, I'm strong.